Homemade Wallet

Don’t you just hate spending the money you want to keep in your wallet on your wallet…! No sewing machine required… Just camera tape (nicer than gaffa) and hand-painted canvas. Make your own today. No I’m not giving you the pattern – it’s easy.

Click on the pictures to make them bigger…

Atlas Book, Fuck T and Lightboxes

Here are some pictures of my little stand at the Cape Farewell evening event at the Whitechapel Gallery, London on Friday 11th May, 2007. You can see the very limited edition Organic, Fair Trade T-shirt and some copies of my new book Atlas. You can also see various pictures (better ones to follow) of the solar powered lightboxes that were constructed by artist Wish One and given words by me.

Some Useful Links:

Bulletclip Design
The Cape Farewell Environmental Arts Organisation
Whitechapel Gallery

This image was used as the invite for the show:

Benjii The Dog

I recently visited Paris, where I had the apparent good fortune to meet up with a very nice man David. We immediately became close friends and as he was about to become a father of a new baby, he suggested that I look after his dog Benjii for a few weeks. I was very keen, but since Benjii and I returned to England, Benjii has been involved in a number of ‘escapes’ which have made me question my judgement in taking charge of the beast…

1. Benjii disappeared off for three days in which he won the Crufts dog show… He came back drunk and looking terrible with his genitals shaved, being driven in a limousine…

2. I lent Benjii to the people next door, only to find that they had used him to inseminate a herd of goats. They have since apologised and apparently we are getting a horned puppy that can mow the lawn as recompense.

3. Benjii borrowed £20 to go to the pub and didn’t bring me back any change.

4. Benjii disappeared off for the whole day, I think because there’s a woman in the next village on her period…

5. I told Benjii that he could no longer smoke my cigarettes, and he set light to the curtains when I wasn’t looking to get his own back. I’ve had to give him an allowance now…

6. I went out for the day and according to the neighbours Benjii apparently spent the day on the drum-kit. I came back and shouted at him, at which point he went straight under the bed, and wouldn’t come out until I opened him a tin of Fois Gras…

Experimental Atlas Typography

Yutaka Tajima T

I drew this fine and furry toothed beast as a T-shirt design for the label Yutaka Tajima. If it get’s chosen, it’ll get printed… If not, it’ll be in an exhibition with other people’s ideas as well…

Urban Art Dice


(Feel at liberty to substitute Tony Blair for
the current murderous sycophant in charge)

Fresh out of ideas which will smash the system and bring Governments down? Want to stick it to ‘The Man’ and get rid of the oppressive machinery of the state? Can’t wait to make *insert current dictator’s name* quake in their boots as they beg you to stop your urban art assault on the dominant paradigm? No more Police, no more Soldiers!

In no time at all, a simple throw of these special dice will create a fabulous and groundbreaking idea for your latest piece. And then you can celebrate over a few expensive imported lagers in a trendy bar.

Although you hate the Police and everything they stand for, when you are mugged for your i-Pod/Pad/Phone, you are straight on the phone to them in a scared shaky voice to report the crime. Do you hate consumerism but need a new laptop? Do you wish everyone would take public transport but fantasise about driving a vintage car? These dice are made for you. Soon you’ll be worrying too much about the mortgage and getting a place for your new baby at a good nursery to be killing the rich, so you need to make hay while the sun shines – and these dice will ensure no time is wasted…

Where the Ball Bounces


Millionaire Illustrator


Reduce C02 Emissions

If you are going to drink fizzy pop then please try not to burp. It’s better to ‘bear down’ really hard and try to excrete coal which can be buried. If you have ‘buns of steel’ you may be able to create enough pressure internally to shit diamonds. That way you can be quids-in AND save the World!

Reconsider Shit

Alcohol is fun, but you mustn’t let it do the thinking…

Simcard of Twats

My simcard seems to be full of cunts, pricks, arseholes, shits, tits and fuckers too…

Human Betrayal

‘The Prisoners Dilemma’ is the name for a particular kind of social interaction where although it would be more beneficial for both parties to co-operate, they both betray each other and end up worse off. As part of the social theory ‘Game Theory’ it influenced some of the most cynical thinking in post Second World-War politics, and informed the logic of the Cold War.

Further reading:


Ensure Misery

The urge to achieve perfection is one of the basic human drives which gives rise to motivation. It is possible however for the drive toward perfection to become pathalogical or unhealthy. If we accept that perfection is essentially an un-attainable goal, but instead merely an ideal to be aimed toward, then we can create realistic goals and therefore the possibility of success.

Further reading:


Some Coin

Quality on the Streets

There was a time, not so long ago, that the streets were just the gaps between buildings where people would walk and vehicles move along. Now, ‘the streets’ are a location of myth – a place of fantasy for marketing people to use as a way of adding ‘urban excitement’ to their products. That’s quality mate…

Tits and Ass

Youth is Not a Culture

If you are over thirty you will have realised that life isn’t over for the over thirties. It’s a grave shock to the system. What? Now I have to be an old person? Of course if you are over forty you’ll think that people in their thirties are still young and should stop complaining. And so it goes. People are often talking about Youth Culture, but in fact, most culture is for old people. Young people don’t need culture – they are far too busy having fun with sex and drugs.

Time For Love

There’s a lot of people who aren’t getting enough love these days. But they are getting better Christmas presents and holidays than before.

Prison Planet

In the guise of the god Apollo, a few got as far as the Moon. They soon had to return when their supplies ran out. If they had stayed away longer, their bones would have got thinner and thinner. The bonds and shackles of Earth’s gravity, beckoning, pulled them home.

Further reading:


The Politics of Fear

The kind of ‘Terror’ which we are meant to be fighting in a global war, is not an enemy without – but an enemy within. The creation of the terrorist enemy allows governments to erode the delicate freedoms of self expression and privacy which we consider some of the most precious achievements of our society. Paradoxically we destroy our own freedom so that the so called terrorist enemy can’t.

Further reading: